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Keith Connors

Weekdays 10a-3p

Who knew? There is an established etiquette when it comes to drinking wine.  Is boxed wine OK? Can I drink the whole bottle alone? Asking for a friend, of course. Learn a little about it with this list of The Top Dos and Don’ts of Drinking Wine.

At a restaurant, do ask for advice from the waiter on which wine will get you the most smashed for the least amount of money.  Do always speak extensively on your knowledge of wines, and insult others who don’t know as much as you.  People love that. Don’t make crafts from used corks.  All it does is tell others you’re a creative alcoholic.

Do look at the clarity of the liquid. . . to make sure there’s not a tooth floating in it. Do use a sippy cup so you don’t spill any while driving. Do keep your wine in a cool, dark place . . . like Carole Baskin’s heart. When dining at a friend’s house, bring a bottle.  When dining at a friend’s double-wide, bring a box.

Don’t listen to Trump’s advice and add Clorox to your glass. If your host doesn’t refill your glass automatically, don’t complain.  Start throwing stuff. Do raise one eyebrow so you look like you know what you’re doing before inserting a straw. Do hide your collection of reds whenever you host cat ladies for a Taylor Swift listening party.  Trust me.

Don’t give your empties to Scott Baio.  Find a more deserving homeless person. Do keep an expensive bottle in reserve to celebrate special events like the death of a wealthy relative. Do stop being so pretentious and have a Coors Light.


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I trust dogs and horses, love country music, and country fried chicken. Fought many men, and loved only 1 woman. She's from Nashville, so the accent. Life is short. Make somebody smile, Dog-gonnit. Haaaaaa.