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Nights With Keebler

7p-12a

I’m here to change your mind on what you think is the best holiday in America.  I’m basing this off of five different categories:

1. How much alcohol you drink.

2. How much food you eat.

3. Time spent with friends or family.

4. Amount of time off work.

5. Least amount of planning.

This is up for debate, so if you feel I was biased against your holiday, please let me know in the comments.

 

10. Valentine’s Day

Not many people like Valentine’s Day, especially the guys.  The amount of planning gentlemen do is ridiculous.  You also can’t drink very much if you’re looking to have a romantic evening.  So, Valentine’s Day is one of the worst for Americans.  Plus, you don’t get off work the next day when your  S.O. breaks up with you.

9.  Mother’s Day

I don’t hate Mother’s Day, but it’s not fun for the kids.  It’s very stressful.  Not only do you have to make sure the day is perfect, but you have to coordinate with your siblings to make sure you get her the perfect gift.  Also, you can’t get drunk on this holy day, in fear your mom will hurt you in your sleep.  Also, no time off on that Monday, if anything all moms should get the day off.

8. Christmas

This is where I make everyone mad.  “But Keebler why Christmas?” Well for starters, the amount of planning that goes into Christmas is unreal.  We have to listen to Christmas music starting on November 1st.  This puts you into a spell to decorate your entire neighborhood, go $10,000 in debt on gifts and another $5,000 on food.  Not to mention the family drama.  If you get your sister a gag gift, and she gave you something thoughtful.  You will have to hear about it until the next year.  Where she will get you a gag gift, and you give her something thoughtful.  It’s really a vicious cycle.  You get to drink a lot, but it’s never your party favorites, its always something classy like wine, or eggnog.  The time off is nice, however, you need to work to pay off the debt you’re in.

7. Halloween

This could have been lower on my list, however, the one factor is always picking out a costume.  You can drink like crazy, party with your friends, but if you have a terrible costume, your night will be ruined.  Not to mention this holiday has no food and no time off work…leaving us all to pray it falls on a Friday or Saturday.

6. New Years Eve

This really is a crowd favorite.  If you like to party, or sit at home and do nothing, you can still easily find a way to have a good time.  Whether it’s an awesome bar, or just a good football game, New Years doesn’t disappoint.  The only reason it didn’t make the top 5, even though it hits pretty hard on all of my categories. The amount of drinking puts you into a coma from the hangover.  Leaving you to suffer for the remaining time you have off work.

5. Thanksgiving

Time spent with family, check.  Getting low key drunk with your crazy aunt, check.  All the food you could eat, check.  Not to mention the time off work and going out with your friends to the bar that night.  Thanksgiving is honestly one of the better holidays.  The only reason it’s not in the top 3, is the amount of planning you have to do to make sure you feed all 100 family members.  Other than that, Thanksgiving is perfect.

4. Labor Day

You get 3-4 days off work, plenty of beach days and you’re usually with your best friends for the last hurrah of summer.  It takes little planning, just find a friend with a boat and party like you just joined a frat or sorority.  Just make sure you don’t pass out in the sun, you will get burned.

3. Memorial Day

I’m a Marine, I know the importance of this heroic day.  Remembering all who fought for our freedom and died so we could live in the greatest country in the world.  That being said, grab a beer, raise it to the sky and party your butt off for those who have sacrificed it all.  God Bless America.

2. St. Patrick’s Day

This is one of the easiest holidays to get ready for.  Just wear green and drink.  No planning required, plus who doesn’t love corned beef? Just make sure you’re ready to call in sick to work the next day.

1. 4th of July

Hands down the best holiday.  Just think about how hard you party for your birthday…

Food? Hot dogs and hamburgers, cheap and easy.  Alcohol? Beer and shots of Fireball, cheap.  You party with your friends, watch a free firework show and have plenty of time off work.  The only thing you have to plan is which beach you are going to.  Not to mention celebrating the greatest country in the world.  U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A!

Please feel free to debate which ones should be moved up or down the list.  Just leave your suggestions in the comments.